Diana: The poisonous beauty secrete /A national icon

This is a another national image of Hargeisa, right next to the emotionally insane that earn a living on the streets, the qaat huts every few meters and the emergency vehicles that carry the life saving drug ‘qaat’. Yes, Diana is a very popular national mark, not the belated Princess of Wales, Diana. This is something a lot more deviating and alien to Somali society than having a white British Princess around the city.

Somaliland women, especially those in the city of Hargeisa, believe it is fashionable, no a must, in accordance with feminine grooming rituals to bleach- yes bleach!, their skin with a chemical widely known as ‘Diana’ or ‘Fair and lovely’ and many other names. They come in many brands and vary according to the level of whiteness one seeks. Somalis are African, to state an obvious, naturally brown pigmented with some people being a little fairer than others. It would seem we have come to associate ugliness with dark skin and beauty with light/fair skin to the extent that it has driven teenage girls to go begging or doing sexual favours for strange men to acquire this cream (or the means to pay for it) on a regular basis.

It is a common peculiarity at night to see young girls and women walking around the city wearing this cream or glowing un-naturally yellowish (like there is a touch light underneath their skin) and covering during the hot day light hours, with niqaabs nevertheless, a religious symbol. It’s a rare sight to see a dark skinned girl and in many ways a pleasure!

The level of insecurity and inferiority is staggering from my position but a closer look actually proves me wrong. Somalis are not insecure nor do they ever feel inferior to anyone. Pride is worn like clothes and it is clearly visible on every Somali from young to old, from poor to rich. Poor people don’t show any humility or shame when they beg, why should they? It’s their right according to Somali customs! You have money and they are in need. We bring a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘swagger’, an African American urban phrase that explains a false sense of pride and confidence that gives individuals the ability to act in ways the dominating culture does not approve of.

So bleaching the skin is not about appearing white to copy the white man’s claim to superiority.

It’s as simple as this; Somaliland does not control it’s media. There is no cultural and identity awareness. The majority’s understanding of beauty has been depicted by the TV, Arab and American shows. There are no African TV cables in Somaliland. The majority are people with little education if any at all, who streamed into the cities from villages, herding animals, after the civil war, when the majority of the wealthy educated Somalis left to Western and Arab countries escaping the chaos of death and the collapse of the State. In order to measure up to what they see on TV and fill the gaps the war destroyed in our culture and dignity, Somali people started importing a different cultures and alien norms of self-importance, standards of beauty which even extended to food types and language. This has led to a generation of self-loathing. A person speaking English, Arabic or even Swahili is more like to get a job than a fully qualified only Somali speaking individual. We have demeaned our own heritage and self-worth is measured by how westernised you appear. You might argue that this is a form of self-inferiority complexity; however it is ignorance and a lack of an identity and culture. I strongly believe that Somaliland is experiencing an ‘identity crisis’ and it appears on the faces of our young girls. A ghost hallow generation is walking the streets of Hargeisa, that will experience extreme skin conditions if we don’t recognise this epidemic and educate.

‘By three methods we may learn wisdom: first, by reflection, which is the noblest; second, by imitation, which is the easiest; and third, by experience, which is the most bitter’-Confucius

This is just a reflection noble reader, I ask you do the same before you imitate or claim experience and education.

Fashion and lifestyle

My struggles, failures and success in Somaliland can be personified by my experience and journey with clothing and fashion in Somaliland. Prior to moving to Somaliland personal fashion (dressing) did not take visible energy, effort or thought process. I was a wash& go sort of person, never followed trends (although I’d like to think I set some). Endless hours of browsing the shops, making, trimming, belting, clipping for my own personal use was unheard off (although I did it for work), never mind fighting battles to secure a garment or going to a semi verbal war to get it tailored and then defending the finished garment and your right to wear it!

Putting aside male attire, female attire has gone through significant transition in recent Somali history. Female attire now consists of “dirc will or dirac shiid or abayah/ jilbibi”. Culturally accepted fashion garments such as the cotton shoulder dresses, the guuntino skirts, the go’o shala (cashmere shawls) are no longer in circulation, if you search endlessly for months- you may find a poor imitation of the traditional colours in a souvenir shop hidden in a faraway corner mostly frequented by Diaspora returnees and foreign tourist. Traditional Somali dressing is now considered as somewhat backwards, the thing of a nomadic past and part of our modernisation is to wear the abayas and the diracs as a testimony to us joining the new urban world.

As a Diaspora, although I was aware that Somali women no longer walk around with one shoulder bare or their hair braided, I was still expecting to see some remnants of Somali culture still alive, preserved and practised. At least I expected to see the Somali toob (Somali long sleeve dress) or be able to buy a guuntiino to hang in my wardrobe to admire and maybe make a modern dress out of.

Before I left London, I was lucky enough to take with me tailored NorMode dresses which were beautiful, suitable, ready to wear with Somali influence, covering, fashionable, presentable, loose fitting and acceptable in any Muslim society; whatever else I was uncertain about, I was comfortable and confident about my clothing and wardrobe. I also made myself a few coloured tailored abaya’s for work.

My garments have been a cause for controversy, debates, insults, advice and lectures: apparently they are not colourful enough, not layered enough, or too layered, or not enough pleats and definitely not loose enough (the dirca is big enough to fit at least three people). My abayas were not black, nor shiny with glitters on the arms, the material was too heavy and in any case I should wear an umbrella hijab on top of it instead of my smaller wrap hijab!

On the other hand, my fashion senses were offended with daily assaults of pink, yellow and purple mixed with glitter, and the shock of seeing multi coloured socks with sandals is finally starting to pass. They found my plain colours, colour coordination and lack of rainbow colours and patterns dull and boring (in the UK I was consider loud and colourful with my clothing), which is okay (different society different rules).

I don’t mind being different, nor do the comments or stares (you get use to that), but it worries me that in the long term we have become a uniform society; much like secondary school you get told off for wearing the wrong shade, not tucking your shirt in or something of similar nature. It worries me that our society has journeyed so far from tradition and culture that anything but the uniform is not only frowned upon but also verbally attacked by men and women alike. It bothers me when a man takes upon himself to tell me my toes are showing or why I’m not wearing a dirac, and it annoys me even more when women in see-through dirac lecture me about my dress not being traditional or Islamic (it is both) or why the top umbrella is missing, or comment about the organised colouring of my dresses rather than chaotic rainbow artistic digital printer of the dirac.

I like the dirac and I will wear it, but I want to wear it my way. I am a fan of the dirac- in the right setting- say for weddings, but how do you wear a garment to work which is couple of sizes too big (free size for all size 6- size 26) and one meter too long, a garment which restricts your arm moments and requires the elegance, patience and attention that only a jobless princess can afford! I need my hands to do more than hold my dirac in place or continuously tuck it in! I need tailored, controlled and covered garment which allows me to walk, run (yes run if need be), and sit without having to readjust, re-pin with safety pins, tuck and fold in multiple corners to maintain the effortless layered look the dirac is suppose to achieve. With no pavements and umpteen obstacles on the streets of Hargeisa wearing a dirac is hazards for people like me, I would either trip over, tear it, or prick myself with the multiple pins holding those careful layers in place, this is ignoring the annoying/uncomfortable necessity of adjusting and tucking in my dirac in front of my clients each time I stand/sit.

This aside, the boring uniformity which does not allow individual expression is suffocating the individuality and personal expression of each of us and undermining the fashion industry in Somaliland. The interesting thing is that this uniformity means there is no fashion industry to speak of in Somaliland, every shop has the same dirac and fabric, every household therefore by default has the same wardrobe. It is normal to see five girls in the same dirac walking around, who all came out dressed to impress. It does not help that there are not many hang out spots, chances are at any given moment in any given restaurant if you are wearing the latest dirac, there is at least ONE other girl in the exact same set!

My issue is not necessarily about variety (although variety and exclusivity is very important in fashion) it is about limiting people’s imagination to think and act outside the box, I hated trend setting in London, because everyone looked liked clone idiots for a whole season (leggings are not pants to be worn alone!), but at least I knew that the torture would end at the end of the season! Imagine the dirac trend and chasing the latest printers in this oversized garment becoming the everlasting trend. The dirac has already been upgraded from wedding halls to the streets and restaurants, the dirac shiid has left the confinements of the bedroom and now hangs out at Mansoor and walks in the presidential corridors!

Dirac shiid in particular was once considered by Somali women as calaamtul fakhri (sign of poverty) because you buy them cheap, end up accumulating a whole suitcase of them and after one wash it looks ragged and washed out. Dirac will was (and still is in richer circles) a onetime use garment for attending weddings, one never wore the same dirac outside again and it was relegated to wearing it for dress up for your old man or giving it to a relative. I wonder if this is still the case, but checking out the prices ($120 for the latest set)- I very much doubt that they are still onetime use- if it is Somaliland and its people are richer than I thought!!

I refuse to wear more than three colours are any given time, so I search and troll the markets for two colour printed fabrics, and then clip, cut and stitch with the local suuq tailors who insist on doing it their way until I threaten to not pay them and never go back if they don’t make the tailored half fitted design I want- In return they tell me off- harshly for destroying the fabric, for not having enough space for two extra people and for being too western. I counter with drivel about customer services and doing what the customer wants etc (they don’t care or understand), when really what I want to say is MEET ME HALF WAY. I will cover what is required Islamicly, splash a little colour orderly, and make dresses with a modern flare using locally available fabric. What is wrong with that?

Positivity and having the right mind frame!

Naturally being out of your comfort zone, regular environment and moving to any country will bring out the judgmental and critical side of you, as your system takes a while to adjust to a new society, their norms and customs. In Somaliland, foreigners and Diaspora Somalis gravitate towards each other to exchange stories of old life, football, general discussions, business and to complain and gossip about local Somalis. They want to spend time with people who understand their background, experience and the life they previously had. I remember once telling a local friend of mine that I was craving apple pie and upon explaining its content, she promptly told me just to boil an apple in sugared water, mash it up and eat it with pancakes! I don’t even like apple pie all that much, but at that specific moment my heart sank at how she destroyed my craving for an apple pie, but at the same time I admired the no-nonsense attitude and the problem solving mentality that fueled her creativity.

Although I can understand why naturally people with similar experiences are attracted to each other to form a sub society which supports their social, emotional and wellbeing (as well as the ability to fit in more comfortably), it is still alarming to see the clear social segregation and lack of effort made by us as Diaspora returnees and International staff to try and fit in (yes we obey the basic social rule- reluctantly and venomously complaining about these “restrictions”). I am always intrigued by our stubborn mind frame which automatically pinpoints all the things society MUST change to accommodate our needs and comfort (I for one would like a decent cake and sweets shop) yet we are unwilling to change even a little bit, find a common ground or engage with the community on an equal level.

If you are here for a short time you probably won’t get the chance to challenge your own perceptions or question the new judgmental side of you that has surfaced and you may leave Somaliland still annoyed you had to wear a headscarf (a requirement in most Muslim countries) or unease by men walking around causally holding hands, or disgusted by people spitting or using a tooth stick in public or still unable to follow conversations where five people all talk loudly and over each other or random commentary on your clothes or how you walk. But after you have been here a while, these little social differences fail to register (or at least shock you) anymore and you go on about your day. Unbelievable some of these things use to cause me great discomfort, at some point I decided to minimize my stress levels by applying rational (rather than emotional) thinking and positive mind frame. Real life is not all plain sailing, tea and pancakes after all, so I just need to deal with it. The difficulties life brings are all part and parcel of our existence; hardship, trials and tribulations challenge and stretch our limits as life takes its path. We can all achieve far more in our lives if we adopt a positive attitude which will boost our productivity, creativity and as the key attribute that contributes to the success.

I am always surprised to see foreigners and Diaspora Somalis nit picking and bitiching about the local Somali community- some of them quite rudely and offensively. I often hear people saying “these people are impossible to help, it is so bad, they are just XYZ”. A little bit of moaning and complaining is healthy and acceptable in any job, but the bottom line is if you hate the community or view them as sub human you will not be able to help them or anyone else and you should probably consider a career change. Negativity stumps your potential ability, opportunity to learn and make a difference; stinking attitude equals poor results while positive thinking is a frame of mind that can get results.

I have met some inspirational people, who consistently maintain a positive frame of mind, and it is they, who make a difference and influence change because they are problem-solvers rather than a negative bitter-complainer who sucks all your energy. They emit positive energy and vibrations which makes everyone around them receptive to their ideas and suggestions. If you are walking around with a miserable face and I am better than you attitude, Somalis will never give you the time of the day- and why should they?

INGOs/ NGOs in Somaliland

All week since posting my last blog briefly touching upon the contributions of NGOs/ INGOs and the rigidity in their cultural as well as their refusal- either directly or indirectly to work and support the government and institutions rather than undermining them, I have been locked in discussions and debates with people in that sector who felt that as an outsider (not in their network of organisations and from a private sector background) I failed to appreciate their work, show understanding and acknowledge that they are trying to operate as best as they can “given the circumstances with the given constrains”!. (I hate this special needs references too)

What I was trying to say is that the central and key goal should be that at some point INGOs/ NGOs need to leave Somaliland (and Somalia), so they must have an exist plan. Now you are probably thinking well they can’t leave yet! – and that is true, but in the long term they need to be laying the foundation for an independent, strong and sustainable institutions that can cope without their support, not suppressing their development and growth or taking over and doing their job for them.

The inherit culture of INGOs/ NGOs and their workers cannot be that we need replace these institutions and their role (yad yad ya about incompetency, lack of systematic procedures etcs) but rather to supplement them and develop them to a stage where they can cope without guidance and help- facilitating an exit from  the institution and by extension from country. On the contrary NGOs/ INGOs have taken over this country and its institutions, disabling their growth and development (sometimes intentionally undermining them) sighting the following reasons:-

-  Scarcity in Human Resources:- While I agree that there is a shortage of qualified or trained personals, that does not mean Somaliland or Somalia has no able/ trained/ qualified workforce who could hold any position with some additional training and guidance (they are just a little harder to find and may require some training on processes and systems). I challenge anyone who says otherwise and I will even offer my services to help you find a local Somali who is capable of doing the same job as a foreign international. Of course it would also mean cutting the intentional exclusive criteria such as 15years working for INGO/NGO from your TOR- consider 70% Somaliland’s populations is under the age of 30years and the civil wars/ collapse of services and education from 1986-1996, it is an impossible criteria for a local Somali to fulfill (or even a Diaspora Somali for that matter, although they may have a better chance than the local Somali), this requirement is as good as the job specification stating “applicant should preferably be a white male,  45+ of age or with the right/ proven connections to someone important… We might consider applicants from other African countries…. In worst case scenario we will consider Diaspora Somali and try our best to recruit them as local staff to avoid paying them the same as our international staff” Yes, I am aware this is an extreme case scenario, however I’ve seen it happen at least four times in Hargeisa- so what I am trying to get at here is a more inclusive approach to recruitment. I would go as far as recommending a policy which forces NGOs and INGOs to reserve a percentage of their vacancies for local Somalis!

- NGOs/ INGOs have an inherit concern and to certain extent paranoia about corruption therefore they must control and micro manage projects;- I can understand this concern, however what happens when your own international staff are corrupt and wasteful? Each organisation provides cars, accommodation at Ambassador/ Mansoor for the duration of foreign employees stay in Hargeisa as well as spending money (on top of their salary which is already considerably higher)- sometimes you will meet individuals on permanent contract who has been a resident at Mansoor for 1year and scheduled to stay there for another 2years!!! (at $65 a night) not including cleaning, food etc and his salary- I saw this guy pay (sign to his room) a dinner for 15 friends (of his friend- not even his friends). What example does this set for a local staff who is paid $600 a month (the 3^rd highest band of salary a local can earn), if no one is act like this money has limits, standards, guidelines, a purpose and a stringent control, people will just view it for free money of which they are getting pennies.

-  Paper trail and bureaucracy: I’m not going to into this but overall it is a well documented problem resulting in employees being idle for months and projects just falling apart or stalling for ages, unfortunately it is a necessary evil to secure further funding donors.

The bottom line and most inconvenient truth of the matter is that NGOs/ INGOs is a business that pays (even if it was formed or managed by well meaning developmental, passionate individuals, essential it is a means of living and earning well to sustain a livelihood) so it is not in their interest to have an exit plan and they continue bidding for projects and funds to continue making a living.

Pointing this out as well as their other short comings does not necessarily mean I don’t see the benefits that they bring to some people and the contributions their efforts make- it is just that there are obvious gaps and improvements that need to be made and this sector needs to be receptive to changes and improvements. Particularly improvements that empower the people they want to help and capacity building.

Hargesia Group Hospital & NGOs/INGOs in Somaliland

For two weeks now, I along with 15-20 Diaspora Somalis, NGO workers and University Teachers have been volunteering our only day off at Hargesia Group Hospital, mainly to clean and bring up the standard of the hospital. Currently under a new management, the aim is to make big improvements- very fast.

Last Friday we removed all the rubbish in one area of the hospital and removed umpteen numbers of needles, syringes, leg bags, catheters, nephrostomy tubes and broken solution bottles from the garden and window seals for four hours in the blistering sun.

We were quite proud of how clean and presentable the garden looked and we could see a real difference but it made me wonder about the hospitals current state!

As Friday is my only day off, I was shattered and it took a lot of self persuasion and blackmail to get me out of my bed, and although it was difficult and dangerous (picking up used needles is no joking matter) in the end I felt like we contributed a little to the welfare and up keeping of the hospital. So I decided to make it my regular contribution to society.

What struck me is that as a public hospital which provides free health care for people who are too poor to go anywhere else (they do have to pay for medication) it is severely underdeveloped, understaffed, underequipped, undermanaged and everything works on string budget paid by different organisations. This is evident by the number of posters around the hospital- each ward is funded by a different NGO/ INGO proclaiming their contribution.

One of the many problems facing the hospital is the lack of control over its finance, each contributor wants to manage the implementation stage of their project (whether it be building, equipment distribution or even staff salary) which means there is no overall plan (financial or otherwise) for the hospital. How do you control or manage your staff if your staff is paid directly by an NGO- it’s difficult to promote or demote staff or even discipline them without having control of the one thing they place importance on (money). A contributor decides it will use the intended/allocated funds to buy a certain equipment or machinery (based on research and consultations with various other individuals and organisations) and they go ahead and fulfill this goal, without consultation with the hospital staff on what it needs the most- it is possible that the doctors, nurses and management have a greater need and a more urgent requirement that needs to be fulfilled, rather than the equipment the money was spent on which no one can use and now sits majestically in the store room, proud and polished but still unused 1year down the line.

Donors would like for NGOs/ INGOs to spend funds wisely, according to the prevailing need- it is precisely why these organisations have project managers, project coordinators, project leads, project evaluation consultants and the various other project something’s employed, who draft and produce meticulous reports detailing how and what the money was spent on. And yes, I’m sure these employees make a convincing case about the need for this expenditure- but this is Somaliland, unrecognized and underdeveloped and overwhelmed- you can make a case or demonstrate a need for practically everything! YES there is a need for that fancy machine that no one knows how to use yet, and yes you can even make case for spending 20% of the budget on asking a pot-bellied consultant in Nairobi what the best practice is for this or that, but when push comes to shove, buzz words be damned and the consultants who make a living out of them- ultimately logically, particularly in public services such as health and education the ministry and the management of these institutions know best and better than consultants in Nairobi.

It is possible for NGOs/INGOs to make a difference in Somaliland, but I’ve never seen a country where they have so much freedom, lack of guidance and regulations or even a basic system of how their benefit and their contributions can be better utilized to aid sustainable development in conjunction with the institutions and then liaising with the government. Their emphasis is on writing reports and paperwork requirements to tally up for donors, my friends in this sector are overwhelmed and preoccupied with these reports- the end goal of making a visible and immediate impact is lost.

Hargeisa Group Hospital needs a systematic approach and attitude to funding so it can better manage its resources, so that it can spend on the smaller things that make all the difference in a health institution;- such as waste management, litter control, prevention of infection and cross contamination, which NGOs/ INGOs cannot see from behind their paperwork in Mansoor and Ambassador. The fancy machines and equipments which no one is qualified to use can wait, how about paying for some industrial dustbins, sharp bins and a small budget for a team of onsite cleaners?

Disclaimer: Of course there are exceptions and certain organisations are receptive to the needs of institutions and are hands on, however the majority find suggestions offensive and let alone hearing a plan or request for better/ different management of the resources donors entrust with them.   It doesn’t help that staff (who often are not happy to be here- judging by the consent complaints of being in a “godforsaken country”) particularly management are looking down on the locals, perhaps it may surprise them if they knew that the locals could provide them with better information about their immediate needs and method of a providing lasting and sustainable impact- better than a consultant in different country ever would and at a lower cost- or even for free!

Can Somaliland expat community really make a difference?

The Somaliland expat community is still relatively young but it is growing. Many people predominately men are returning to Somaliland to establish business and explore other options. Some are on a money making scheme with the sole purpose to get rich by any means- I know some of you are thinking that going to an unrecognized country in the third world is the wrong place to go to make money, but it is exactly the place to go if you are a savvy risk taker willing to taking advantage of the lack of regulations, limited competitions and lack of services, to practical start any possible business idea and with some hard work and investment be guaranteed a return on their investment.

There are also the returnees who work for various NGOs and INGOs, government and various other institutions. In the last eight months I’ve been here- I’ve met a fair few Diaspora people, some successful, committed and determined to contribute to a better future for Somaliland, others goal orientated and focused on their personal missions and some I forgot soon after meeting them.

Many people from the west have asked me whether I think they should come back- for a while they hasten to add, and if they do what could they do? I of course always tell them; YES, come. Simply because I think along the lines of: Don’t you feel bad about the state of education? Don’t you wish your country’s development and progress could be improved? Don’t you wish that the lives of poor people and the standard of living could be raised? How about you contribute!?

People always answer yes to all these questions, and I hope some of them do follow up and return, of course I don’t expect them to come just for developmental reasons, and they could have their own personal ambitions too.

Recently I have been pondering about the first steps to achieving development and progress; steps that are within our control of course (not miracles); immediately human resources, money, education etc came to mind but I was not convinced about any of these as the key immediate first step.

I have since decided that the first step is developing strong personalities, the most important traits of which are bravery, determination, discipline and loyalty. Once we have a generation with these four traits, we can develop our society and all the other improvements that come with it. I know- you probably think these four traits cannot do much to develop and build our start up society so let’s take a closer look at each:

1- Bravery:  Are you brave, do you take initiative, or are you cowardly? A brave person is one who takes initiative, one who can do whatever it takes to achieve a goal. It is pointless having a coward/ fearful manpower and it will certain stump creativity and growth if no one wants to shake the boat or change the status quo.

2- Loyalty:  Are you loyal or are you selfish? Would you participate in charity work if you don’t get credit for it- are we a society of social performers? If someone pisses you off while you’re working on a charity project, would you leave the whole project and quit- is the project bigger than he who is pissing you off? If it becomes full of selfish people in constant rivalry among themselves, forgetting their common goal of development and progress, it won’t happen!

3- Disciplined:  Are you disciplined in life, or careless and chaotic? Careless and chaotic will not get us anywhere- discipline, systems, processes and severely lacking and they are instrumental to our progress

4-  Determination: Do you have a strong will, are you determined, or are you weak-willed? Society is never changed by the masses, it is always a few, a vanguard of some sort who make the changes and slowly the masses change, not everyone has to contribute, but there needs to be a few of us who are determined to see it through. At the moment, lots of us Diasporas come and go- we breeze in and just as quickly breeze out!

All four traits are very important, but discipline is the most crucial and encompasses the other three traits. A chaotic undisciplined person is simply selfish because they do not care about anyone else except themselves/ their own. On the other hand, a disciplined person takes life seriously, more likely to take risks and challenge themselves.

So, as long as the lack of discipline dominates our country, chaos will continue to rule, and we will not be able to develop our communities.

My parting words for all the Diaspora returnees is to consider and ask yourself the following questions:

• Are you brave or cowardly? (if brave please come)

• Do you take initiative? Are you strong-willed and persistent, or do you always end up thinking ‘I can’t do this, it is too difficult.’  If you are a quitter save yourself the hassle- come for a holiday instead, you will love it)

• Are you disciplined and neat, or are you careless and chaotic? We seriously do not need any more careless and chaotic people here. This also includes the daqan ceelis, dhanbiileh ama utter failures in host countries.

• Do you keep your promises? Are you honest, polite? Personal morality, standards and good characteristics we need. Saaqajaanimo, dhaqan xumo and weliba ninmanku wax kale ee uu yimaadaan- we don’t need.

• How is your time management? Lack of time management is why, even in our own personal life we fall maybe a little short- time waits for no one and it certainly won’t waits for Somalis.

• Finally, are you loyal, or are you selfish? Would you still work hard even if you did not get credit for your good deeds? We don’t need any celebrities, big mans, name seeking/ glory hunting individuals (support Man United or apply for Big brother or another reality show)

 Of course different characteristics will be more dominating in different individuals, so don’t feel too upset if you didn’t come out on top of my make shift criteria. You should still come- if only to boost the sluggish tourist industry!

When are you going back?

The art of people watching and the accompanying commentary is rift in most of the developing world. I remember how uncomfortable I was in India with all the pointing and staring and how intimidating it can be for none confrontational Londoner abiding by the policy of live and let live. But at least in India I only understood 50% of what they were saying as I drifted past staring at the floor and watching my step. I got use to the usual Oh look a black women, a lone women, do you think she has money, sale her something, is she Muslim, but she’s black, she’s so black, let’s ask her- madam are you Muslim, what you want to buy, you want friend, where you staying, are you alone, I think you need friend etc. But in Somaliland I understand all the underhanded comments, the jibes and private jokes at my expense, the innuendos and curiosity. I’m not sure which is worse? Understanding or not understanding.

I wrongly assumed that the longer I stay here, the less the comments I will get as I become more localized (sounds like a disease) and they get use to seeing me around, but I gave up the other day of this ever happening; In my old house, the local shop keeper would stop whatever he was doing every time he saw me and just stand there staring as I walked past, I assumed it would get boring after all I’m just putting one foot in front of the other and walking like everybody else, but six months down the line, he still stops and stars, when he does speak to me- it is only to ask that one question; When are you going back? The other day I went to visit family at my old house and as I walked past, the shop keeper came out with his friend, as I passed I heard him say: … westernized lone female, use to live in that house, I thought she went back to her country…

People at work ask me when I’m going back, strangers on the bus or the street, waiters at restaurants ask how long I am here for, my friends and family ask me when I am leaving! When I tell people I’m here to stay; they normal respond with 1) Have you been deported by parents/ relatives/ state OR 2) married a local man and will leave after some time OR 3) You are joking and just here for a holiday. My friends in London thought this was an experiment or a challenge and gave me months (the most generous one gave me one year) before returning home (all those who gave me less than 8 months send me my bets!)

I figure that regardless of how long I stay here, to my friends in London it will be an act of madness (albeit one they supported me on), my family will never understand and to the locals I will always be a visitor, someone with an alternative home. Most locals and my friends in London cannot understand what would drive me to up and move here (heck I don’t understand sometimes), why I would leave behind my comfortable life, concrete floors, coffee, cake, burgers, chips, crisp, escalators and lifts (strange the things you miss eh) to live and work in a different society with all the changes and uncertainty that comes with it.

When I complain- particularly to my friends, the immediate response is- Ibtisam LEAVE, come back why are you torturing yourself, but going back will be the single most selfish and defeatist thing I could ever do. What about the people who have no exit option or prospect, by leaving I would be justifying the endless stream of educated people clobbering on to doggy overcrowded boats to leave in a hurry only to be dumped in the ocean or in overcrowded camps in Malta. If I, with the options and opportunities made available by my education and experience cannot hack life here and I give up to runaway, what hope can I have for those who do not even have that much yet continue to survive and struggle on. I cannot be a hypocrite by running away yet expecting others to continue nor can I give up hope- for their sake, but most importantly for my own sake!

I would like to think that partly one of the reasons I stay is because I feel that I can contribute something, a tiny mini change that could spark a vanguard for our Somali society and could in the long term propel our society forward, even if it is still limping and dragging the other leg.

Despite all my moaning and complaining and alienation as a newcomer, I stay because I refuse to give up hope that one day life could be better for everyone who lives here, and because I know that I in my current position and condition is still in a better position that 80% of the Somaliland population, 70% of who still roam the nomadic areas with their livestock looking up at the clouds, counting the months the blessed rain will arrive to continue to sustain their livelihood. If I, as part of the better off 20% of this society is not hopeful and patient enough to see through the challenges and tiny minor insignificant personal discomfort and continue as a contributing member (albeit unwanted for the time being) of this society, how can we hope for a better future for the other 70%?

I hope and wish more people will return- the right sort of people (not the mustafirisi people, the daqan ceelis or the ones who could not make it in their host countries). So, for what is worth our future is intertwined and the foreign girl shall stay put- bi-inthinllah.

Women & Men

Since I started blogging from Somaliland, as usual my blogs (like any other blog) centers around my experience and opinions, of course it is a given that some people will find them offensive (and rightly so). However when so many people take the time to e-mail about the same thing, essentially complaining about my “bias one sided, incorrect and radical feministic views on gender issues” I felt that I should probably dedicate a post to this. I should point out firstly that all the e-mails and comments I received along these lines are from Somali guys in the west, so I find it slightly hypocritical that a MAN, living in the west, with very little or no experience of living in Somaliland (2 week holiday does not count!) can dispute or successfully argue with me as women living and working in Somaliland with regards to how women are treated in Somaliland. Even a Somali man living in Somaliland can never truly understand or express what it takes for women to live and work in this society, same way I could never pretend to understand the challenges and issues associated with being a man in Somaliland (although I could take a guess). But since this is all about opinions and not empirical evidence and investigations, I will let that one slide.

It would also make sense that I write about the issues facing women, not because I am blinded to the social problems and constrains of men, but because I have firsthand experience with women issues and I have more interactions with women. So all the guys who are asking why I am only writing about women and their issues- there is your answer.

If we put aside all the labels and paranoia and after all the hyperventilating stops, let me explain that what matters most to me is not whether a person is male or female but what they stand for and what they do. By all intent and purposes, men and women are equals but different (as suppose to equal and the same). We are created differently, we have different predominate characteristics and nature and society keeps us better suited to different roles and responsibilities.

Somaliland as a post conflict society, and a society which has a large Diaspora, as well as a larger female population has become less clearly defined and lines incredible blurred. The Diaspora is the government, increasingly women are carrying out both roles (half heartedly sometimes), fewer men are equip or able to carry out their intended role (YES that’s true). Despite this, we still refuse to budge from the clear gender definitions our society judges people on. If I, as a woman is working as the sole breadwinner of my family, should I expect the same level of support and respect a man would’ve got (if not more) or even at least the same level of respect and support a women who is a homemaker gets?. Should I be stigmatized and bullied because I have to fill the role of my male relatives who for various reasons has missed their target? Even worse should I be condemned to certain female friendly occupations (predominately cleaning and secretarial) because although you accept that I am supplementing “male roles” I should not exceed the limits? OR how about some name calling- taas waa nin, dumarkiina wey daaftey raakiin weeli wey is heestan, ninmankey la shirta and the likes.

Yes in principle, theoretical I agree with you oh arm chair politician and debater- that Somali woman were and should continue to be homemakers, and yes I’m sure they too would be happy and content with being homemakers. But this is only possible if the other role is fulfilled completely; so how can you debate with me about the role of men theoretical, when the reality is so far removed now?

Yes theoretically, Islamicly and culturally men should be masculine not wimps, leaders and advisors to their females, protectors and independent financers of their households, but what percentage of Somali men can fulfill this role fully? I can hear you shouting “many”, so let me break it down further and in my broken Somali in the interest of avoiding another tantrum this time about washing dirty laundry in public;

1) Cayrta xaskaga iyo carurta ku bilisa and you just being around is NOT fulfilling your role, even if you work and supplement their needs

2) If you do not work at all oo add adigu iyaga ku dul nooshaey- need I say anything?

3) If you live in Somaliland/ Somalia oo aad your wife and kids suuqa uu so shaxaadiid- NOT fulfilling your role (you are embarrassing them and have no shame or pride not to mention the daily uncertainty)

4) If you live in Somaliland/ Somalia and qof aad wax iisu tihiin (brother, mother, sister, uncle) ay carurutaad iyo naagtaad ku biil aan every month, even caruru school ku uu dariin- NOT fulfilling your role (qofkaas masuladii qaadey ba leeh familikaas

 5) If you are a man and suuq aad ku jirtiid while xaaskagu shaqeyso- NOT fulfilling your role

6) If you are a man earning minimum wage, and xaaskagu or daughter also shaqeyso to help you cope- NOT fulfilling your role

7) You are a grown man on cayrta qaata ama dulsar on another family or your hooyo- NOT fulfilling your role

So now, having deducted all these types of men from your original figure, I am sure the percentage has been slashed and the number of guys who earn enough to support their immediate and extended families financially but at the same time is not so occupied with this (working 60hrs a week) that all the other roles are neglected is significantly reduced (yes there are other roles). All credit to those guys who have managed to get it all together, but before you get too excited and give yourself a pat on the back- this is your role and it is the least that can be expected from a basic man- theoretically, culturally and Islamicly!

But if you fall in any of the seven descriptions listed above (and the worser ones i’ve ignored)- really? A man? And you seriously want to lecture and debate about the roles of men and the changing attitudes of women or automatically command respect because nin baad tahey?

As Somalis we have a shared responsibility to our people, to our development and progress together as a society. You do not empower women by excluding and hating men, at the same time women who argue for better opportunities in our society should not automatically be labeled as nonsensical, man-eating, backwards, bra-burning lunatics (who can easily be mistaken for a man- beard and all) instead of people who simply want to be treated with respect and equality. I don’t want to be given a job or respected for a position just because I am a woman, but because I might have more to offer than the man who also turned up. I want young girls sent to school, not so she can given men superior complexity or be above her brothers but because I want to give her the same basic opportunity to grow and improve herself, for all intent and purposes she can be a successful, educated homemaker, who, should the need arises can take care of herself and her kids to lessen the burden on a tacbaan farah.

So whether, your idea of a ‘ladylike’ woman is based on some Neanderthal stereotype, barefoot pregnant and in the kitchen? Or skirts, tights, high heels and lots of makeup? Or keeps her mouth shut and obedient even when she knows better/ more/ different or all of the above it is your prerogative and you are more than welcome to write about it (I’ll even post it on my blog) after all this is a platform to share different viewpoints. But for the time being I will continue to write about issues that facing me as a women, and sometimes I will lash out and at least in my next post attack our geedo cuun adunka ka dhacey men. Maybe it will shame some into action!

For the time being, It is not enough to be just a man, nin rag aha nooqo and take the lead in changing yourself, rather than been dragged through life kicking and screaming just like your kids, maybe then you can direct others around you!

Friday Khutba (Sermon)

 

Friday in Somaliland is the like the Sunday of the West (well ancient West); a family day, a relaxing, eating, cooking day, but it is also a day of prayer and public address. From 11.30am till 12.30pm, each and every mosque is delivering a sermon to the several hundreds of local worshippers who have turned out to pray the Friday Jumca prayer. Some mosques only cater to men, but the majority of mosque in Somaliland caters for women also. Of course, for Imam’s this is an opportunity once a week to share his knowledge, wisdom and advice with the local community. Some mosques are filled with thousand worshippers, spilling on to the streets.

 

As a unrecognized, virtually none existent country with no significant resources to mention and no public services, you can probably think of numerous pressing, urgent and endless topics for the Imam’s to pick from. It can range from social manners, well being, poverty and development, refugees and homeless, abandon kids and orphans, school and education, gaining knowledge and progress, social welfare and health promotion, social ills and qat/khat/chat abuse, the list is endless.

 

Now, I hope this is an anomaly in a normally well organized, well prepared Friday sermon which deals with more immediate social problems and concerns, but imagine my shock last Friday when I sat outside in the garden to hear the local mosque sermon (they are also broadcasted outside, so even if you are not in the mosque you can still listen) and the Imam was not talking about any of these issues!!! The shikh with his wisdom and May Allah bless him, on this Friday chose to use this opportunity, where the whole local community comes together and listens to him to talk about what?  He talked about “How to beat your wife or the limits of beating your wife”  Maybe I reasoned, some idiot beat the hell out of his wife and this Shikh has decided to highlight the issue of domestic violence (it is the only logical explanation I can think of for dedicating 1 hour to this topic). 

 

He talked about the ills of beating your wife, about the issues of respect and mutual understanding, about setting an example of harmony and family unit, about not arguing and fighting in front of your kids, about discipline and restrain, of course he concluded that if all other options are exhausted and you must beat your wife you are only allowed to tap her lightly with fluff/cotton bud and even a tooth brush stick is not allowed (fulfilling the conditions of not leave marks, bruises, and  avoiding the face) and that it is more symbolic than anything else.

 

I wondered how many husbands left that sermon and headed straight to the nearest store to stock up on fluffy cotton buds for their last resort wife beating (I wonder if you are angry and violent enough to consider beating your wife, are you really going to look around and get that cotton bud?).

 

Women are oppressed in Somaliland, not physically but mentally by the lack of opportunities they are offered or available to them, I don’t see women with bruises and black eyes walking around, and the impression I get is that most guys just bugger off to marry another wife as soon as he and his wife have the most minute of disagreements (maybe he should do a sermon on making your marriage work next week?).

 

I’ve been imaging a Farah threateningly shaking a cotton bud at his wife, and she in classic angry Somali women style flinging the nearest object at him be it the pan on the fire, the flask, her sandal or cup of tea.

 

I am looking forward to next week’s topic, part of me is intrigued, part of me is hopeful but the cynical part of me is predicting next week’s topic is going to be “Can men wear trousers or is it a forbidden western influence? or maybe the best Hijab colours”   

 

I hope I am wrong!…

The clan of the happily singles

Living in Somaliland, more than anywhere else makes you more aware of your unmarried status, your husband is your facial recognition, your address book, your guarantor, the condition to your recognition and acknowledgement, the centre of your social status and the bread and butter of your business life. People will ask you for your husband’s name before they ask for yours, they are more likely to ask the clan of your husband than yours, and heaven forbid you claim your own name, your own clan, your own identity, or demand your own recognition, acknowledgement and conduct your own affairs. Should you not have a husband, you are automatically lumped with your father, uncle, clan cousin/ elder who in order for you to do anything substantial or significant must give the permission. 

 

In a strange twist, Somaliland is not a gender segregated community, however the differences between men and women in social freedom, expression, movement and independence is very obvious and deep seated in both genders. From a young age parents treat their sons differently to their daughters, whether this is deliberate or not, this often results in different educational levels (male often being given the opportunity for education), freedom (boys can play outside whereas young girls help with the house chores). By the time they have reached adulthood, these attitudes and social conditioning results in different types of responsibilities and social treatment. This is universal of course, in the west these roles are enforced and propagated not by washing dishes but little girl’s dolls tea parties while little boys will play with toy cars, TV programs with tales of “Sleeping Beauty” or “Cinderella” portraying the hopeless female locked in a high tower in wait for their Prince Charming to arrive and rescue them.

 

In each society, parent transfers their own perceptions of the two genders onto their children, loaded with the idea of men and women’s different roles passed down through generations. While I am not complaining about the religious or even cultural aspect of gender differences, what I do object to is the consent harassment of unmarried women who do not necessarily fit into the social constrains set out. It took me a long time to find a house to rent (as everyone demands to know your husband, when you plan to get married or your father as the guarantor- to the point I contemplated inventing a none existent husband or getting one of my friends to act the part) however I found it hard to bow down to the compulsory restrictions imposed not by the state but by the society in only embracing and accepting “spoken for” women while stigmatizing lone females. Could I really accept (even unwillingly) and invent a husband just to satisfy their demands? I didn’t and it took me an extra five months to find a house to rent, and even now people are always shocked to learn that “such good girl” does not live with a father or husband. It bothers me immensely that my character and suppose “goodness” is only verifiable by the clothes I wear, my father or the man I marry rather than qualities and characters that define each person.

   

I’m not a feminist or a western brainwashed idealist who wants to emancipate all women folks and by extension taking them away from the religious or cultural obligations, but what I am is a fellow Somali woman who can see the difficulties and the unfairness that arise from these constrains and lack of opportunities available to Somali women. During my time in Somaliland, I would like to influence at least those women around me into being less passive, freely and openly expressing their goals, dreams and more importantly pursuing the attainable objectives whether it is in education, employment, or personal development.  

 

To move forward and progress as a whole, we as women need to be stimulated by the idea of intelligence, competition and demonstrate a natural disposition for hard work, determination and taking risks, as suppose to beauty products, beautification, latest dirac’s and who hablayo married. Unfortunately the dream of many young women does not reach beyond get married, being beautiful and competing for the next man!

 

Perhaps we will be a better society as a whole if men and women marched to the beat of their own drums (rather than society’s obnoxious tuneless beat), and it is well worth admitting this to and it will be the milestone of our collective journey.

 

As a women, laying the weight of all your happiness and future exclusively on the shoulders of a man (never mind one you have not even met yet) is mentally and emotional destructive and borders on criminality against your soul and limitation on the huge potential each women has. All this will only result in the overall loss of human resources and development of future generations.

 

Let’s focus on personal evolution; perhaps a generation of independent, kind, intelligent, financially stable, religious and cultural women- there are no laws against dreaming eh

 

And guys, before your throw your sandals at me, bare in mind that a more developed well rounded Ms Right will only push and help you to develop better qualities, character traits and reach the ultimate highs of your full potential instead of being content with being an average farah!

 

Since moving to Somaliland, answering the inevitable “so who is your husband” has become part of my daily life as well as the two reactions that result from my answer which are 1) You are such nice girl from a good family, we must find you a husband to complete all your achievements, I know someone who knows someone or 2) You must be a ruined westernized freak and a man eater with endless demands. Always the rebel and never a social conformist I have given myself an alternative third option and invented my own clan (in my mind at least). So to celebrate my decision, I have decided to start “The clan of the happily singles” to support young Somaliland females faced with the immense social pressure who want to do things their way and in their own time. Who is with me?